Facing Your Fears
October 2018
Facing Your Fears
Once upon a time there was a young woman who was deathly afraid of failing. She was so scared of not being perfect, she pretty much did nothing at all. She followed in the footsteps of those before her, not causing waves, not asking too many questions, just smiling and living on auto pilot. One time, as an 18 year old who felt like she knew better; she stood her ground, made huge waves, caused all sorts of discomfort....and it didn't turn out very well.... So, she learned to stay in line and keep quiet.
Quiet was good. It got her a good husband, financial security, nice cars, adorable kitties and a puppy, and an even more adorable baby boys. She had the classic "white picket fence" life. From the outside, it was perfect. She had succeeded. The confusing part, she was unhappy. Unfulfilled. Unsatisfied. What the......?
In her ripe age of thirty something, she went searching. Some search deep down into the bottoms of liquor bottles. Some look down the neck of a bong. Some just stare longingly into space, wishing for miracles. While she had her fair share of bottles and daydreaming, she always had a place that empowered her; the gym. Now, being a mother of two, and the nearest gym 25 minutes away, she settled for workouts with Jillian Michaels and Shaun T. in her living room. The amount of sweat flung about that room is quite gross when you think about it. But there was more out there, and she knew it. So, she set out once again.
This time she left the "white picket fence" and dared to step into a new uncomfortable space, a yoga studio. This may have been one of the most frightening moments thus far. She had no idea what she was doing. She felt out of her element. This wasn't a weight room where dudes cinched their waists with thick leather belts to keep their backs safe and rock & roll blasted from a boombox in the corner. This was an amazingly open space. No walls, just candles and so many beautiful people who seemed so strong and glowing as they chatted on their mats. She had never felt more uncomfortable.
That first class was the best and worst thing that ever happened to her. She walked away feeling so empowered, motivated and calm; yet vulnerable. exposed and scared. Somehow, through moving and breathing with awareness, she gave herself permission to begin peeling away the layers of her own onion, tearing off each white fence board and looking at her life with a new set of eyes. Without a doubt, those are certainly the scariest moments of her life; to step back and evaluate every single aspect of your life, and realize the things you value most aren't there. Relationship. Happiness. True Love.
Now, it wasn't an over night transformation. It took years of peeling, pulling, observing, analyzing and evaluating. Years of questions that never got answered. Moments of regression where ungodly amounts of money was spent to find the answers, only to have more clothes than the closet could hold or a new car in the driveway. One thing she noticed, nothing ever led her to the feeling she felt when she stepped onto her mat. There, she was free. She was allowed the gift of honesty, vulnerability and true love. But for now, it was limited to just her mat; for as soon as she crossed the threshold into the "white picket fence" home, she felt the cloak of 'staying in line and keeping quiet'.
That can only last so long when a woman with a wild heart sets out on her journey.
Eventually, she found herself living a life abundant in relationships, truth, and love. It was absolutely glorious! Other people around her noticed her glowing. She was awake and never felt more alive. There was just one problem, her white picket fence was pretty much torn down; only a post or two remained. She wasn't receiving this abundance from within her home. Aside from her children and dog, she felt detached. So.... she made waves, spoke her truth, stepped out of line and created a big, scary mess.
Divorce.
She doesn't blame yoga for the divorce. She accredits yoga for saving her life. Yoga removed the cloak and provided her with tools to thrive in this life. Her biggest fear has been faced, and she not only survived, but thrived!!
It was 6 years ago to the day that she packed up 6 borrowed Rubbermaid totes with items from the home she built and moved into a cutest little apartment where her life began again. This time, the foundation was life lessons learned from yoga. It's not a perfect life, but it is a life abundant in love, laughter, joy and learning.
Loads of love 
Krista Lee
