Resolutions
Happy 2020 to all my friends and family!
Ringing in the New Year often times means doing some deep 'spring cleaning' of ourselves. We may go through our closets and cabinets, clean out the fridge, or we may dive into journaling, maybe even join a new fitness studio. The underlying tone of, "out with the old, in with the new" is abundant. Frankly, it can be quite overwhelming.
Let me tell you a secret, a New Years resolution does not have to be earth shatteringly amazing. It can simply be a time where you recognize you've thought about starting/stopping a behavior, and instead of saying tomorrow, you say today. Personally, I only have one so called resolution. It actually began in the spring of 2019, so it's not even an official NYR. But, I recognize it's importance, so I need to make sure I stick with it. By sharing my experience and intentions, I hope to help hold myself accountable. And, maybe one of you will be inspired.
Resolving to change a behavior is not an easy task. Whether you decide to quit smoking, start eating healthier foods, journal daily, exercise regularly, forgive those who've hurt you, or love yourself more, (or any of the other millions of things we try to do to better ourselves), you are rewiring your brain. Creating new habits that align with your desired outcome is hard! It's no wonder there are so many life coaches out there.
We as human a so dependent on routine and habits, that to CHANGE is down right frightening! I'm here to tell you, yes. Change is scary shit. But... it is also the most wonderful, empowering experience. We all have a different way to come about change, it's not a one size fits all process. While you may be able to toss the smokes to the curb and never look back, someone else may struggle with it every waking moment. Knowing where you are, your strengths and weaknesses, and having someone who will help you celebrate the victories and hold you accountable when you slip can be a few keys to success.
As most of you know, I'm constantly self evaluating and tweaking thought patterns and behaviors. So, what am I changing? One relationship that has challenged me for over 7 years is that with my ex husband. I am embarrassed to admit, it has been labeled as "high-conflict" by professionals. It has taken me to the deepest, darkest places of my life. It has also provided me opportunities to learn and grow. My role in this relationship has evolved. Once I felt as if I was part of a team with a common goal. Now, I am the target of hostility and hatred. There is no team. While that still breaks my heart a little bit, I am accepting of that. ACCEPTANCE is the first step to changing my thinking and behavior. Then, digging deep and finding the strength to detach from how I think things should be. The art of DETACHMENT is a powerful one! And finally, I set boundaries within the relationship, and communicated them respectfully. BOUNDARIES provide a healthy, respectful climate where both parties involved get to say what is ok and what is not. Now, is my situation going as smoothly as this all sounds? Nope. Not even a little bit. It's messy. Especially the boundary part. But, that's the part that is so important, I can not let myself quit.
In 2020, I resolve to continue to practice acceptance of the things I cannot change, detach from desired outcomes I have no control and uphold the boundaries I have set that create more peace, love and joy in my life. I will flow with the waves life sends me, knowing my self worth, trusting myself to hang ten with all the strength and grace I've got. I will visit the forest and ocean often, keeping me level headed and grounded. With this resolution, I will experience freedom to stand tall and shine.
Namaste.
