Freedom and Liberation
"For years now I've been working on re-building myself. I tore myself down to the foundation, exposed painful rawness, and healed. I'm not sure when rock bottom was, exactly, but I know that my current framework is stronger than ever. My support is abundant, my structure is strong. The windows to my heart are open, allowing love to flow to and from me. The many pathways in and out of my mind are a variation of wide freeways to dirt trails. The journey has been amazing, and it isn't even over."
Having gone through the tear down process in life, I can say that it is by far the scariest shit I've ever endured. I remember feeling lost, empty, hopeless and uncertain of everything in my life. I trusted no one, including myself. Then I made a life changing decision...I stepped onto a yoga mat. The work had begun, and I didn't even realize it, yet.
Reflecting back, I can remember the shift in my thinking that caused changes in my life. I remember riding in the car with Sandy to yoga class where we would talk about kids, husbands, work... I remember choosing to be grateful instead of bitch, to notice my breath or heart rate when drama came barging into my life, and I started to notice the influence my current friends had on me. I chose to dive into all of this head first. What a crazy, rollercoaster, ugly, yet amazing journey! I found myself slowly feeling like I was in control of my life. I was the one who was responsible for my own happiness. What power that was!!! I was slowly discovering FREEDOM.
I took this freedom and ran with it. I ran naked through the woods with it! I felt amazing. The problem was, I was a little off balance. The new found responsibility, power, and liberation went to my head a bit. I can see that now. The same yoga practice that taught me this independence also taught me humility. I understand I had to go through this is in order to find balance. I had to be in this place of absolute confidence to clear the closet of the skeletons, the old limiting beliefs that just didn't fit right anymore and the old relationships that were not in alignment with the Me that I'd unearthed. Once I de-cluttered my life, shit got real!!
I wouldn't say I was scared as much as I was relying heavily on faith and trust in the Universe. At times though, the old ugly me would sneak into my dark corners and ask, "What are you doing?! Don't you realize what you just left behind?" But the new me was strong enough to say, "Yes, and I'm ok with it. I am on my own journey now, not someone else's." BAM!!! I was creating my own liberation, freedom, happiness, security, love and peace. I was in charge of my life! I took responsibility for the outcome. I now own my shit. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. Because if I hadn't gone through all that shit, I wouldn't be who I am today. I am proud of who I am, and I'm excited to see how I evolve and grow.
I leave you with this.... Don't ever be ashamed of the mistakes you've made. Use them as stepping stones to learn life's lessons. Believe in yourself enough to dream big. Trust yourself enough to manifest your dreams. Love yourself enough to forgive and let go.
